Wednesday, January 26, 2011

My First Poem, i would appreciate some feedback :-)

Off to war oh lover mine
My heart I gave in haste
Friend or foe oh Dreaded Time
You with him I do not waste 


  1. I like that with the mention of time, you swirl around the last line, and make the poem slightly arrhythmic. I am not the sort to criticize poetry, as I'm not a writer of it, but I think that as long as it is passionate and sincere--without an attempt to emulate or confound, any of that junk--it could be considered a success. This one sounds like it could have been written many generations ago! Simple, universal, passionate!

  2. Very good first attempt. You've managed to take a form of poetry that is often trite, sing-song and drippy and elevated it to something sophisticated. Keep writing!